


Never let me go

by Julieseven



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, I mean it it's over-the-top fluffy but I needed this ok??, M/M, Reunion, love letter, lucas is a true romantic I'm sure, this is way too cheesy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 13:25:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17898944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julieseven/pseuds/Julieseven
Summary: As you all know, I am an impatient person. I can't wait for our boys to reunite at the end of Ep7, so of course I already wrote my own little fantasy of what that could be like ... It's idealised and way too romantic/cheesy, but eh, sue me.





	Never let me go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Itziaryaki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itziaryaki/gifts).



> This is for Itziar, because I love to make you cry, as long as it's happy tears!

Elliot only finds the note when he turns his backpack upside down, looking for his favourite black pen. It tumbles out along with the pen, and at first he thinks it’s one of his own old drawings.

 

But the racoon on it doesn’t look like the ones Elliot draws. It’s a crude drawing, the lines are shaky and Elliot has to squint to even see what exactly the racoon is supposed to be doing. Apparently, it’s sitting on a wall, peering down at a hedgehog, who is looking up with what looks like an oversized tear on its cheek.

 

Elliot’s first instinct is to toss the note without opening it. He doesn’t want to know what Lucas wrote- if he even wrote anything- because it won’t change the fact that Elliot isn’t good for him, and Lucas isn’t good for Elliot.

 

However, Elliot’s curiosity still gets the best of him eventually. He drops the backpack on the floor and sits down on his bed, slowly unfolding the note. Lucas did write something, a lot actually. The entire inside of the page is full of narrow lines of text, and there is a second page below it even. Elliot almost smiles at the sight of Lucas’ beautiful handwriting. And then, taking a deep breath, Elliot starts reading.

 

_Dear Elliot_

 

_I know I don’t fucking deserve for you to so much as read this, so if you just toss this note and never speak to me again, I full on accept that, because I deserve no better. But I just have to try._

 

_I still don’t know what I did or said that upset you so much, but I could tell that day in the corridor that you were disappointed, disgusted even. The more I think about it, the more I suspect it has something to do with what I said about my mum._

 

_Now, I haven’t met your parents, but I imagine you’re close to them. Hopefully, they love you and tell you so every day. Mine don’t. My father hardly ever replies to my messages and is happy with his new family. And my mother, well, what I said about her wasn’t exactly fair._

 

_You see, my mother has bipolar disorder. She’s been diagnosed only a year ago, but she’s been struggling with it for years. My dad never wanted her to go see a doctor about it because he was ashamed, and the only reason we even know what she has is because she punched a wall so hard one day we had to take her to the emergency room. A doctor pulled her aside and asked her if she’d been feeling very high and then very low many times before etc, and in the end he said he’s pretty sure that she is bipolar. He gave her his card and the one of a psychiatrist he knows, but my dad tore up the card when we were back home, saying he wasn’t going to stay married to a “looney.” Two days later, he left and never came back._

 

_I’ve been trying to tell Maman to go back to the hospital to get help, but she’s too ashamed. She feels that she’s a failure as a mum and was a terrible wife and that’s why Papa left her. And yes, she does really get on my nerves sometimes when she’s feeling like the world will end soon and goes into these rants about God and Jesus. BUT ---_

 

_Elliot, I love my mum. I love her to pieces. She may be ill, but fuck, she’s the best mum I could wish for. When I told you I don’t talk to her I lied because I was worried hearing about her illness would scare you away.  In fact, I talk to her all the time, as best as I can because she’s not often well enough to hold a normal conversation. But she’s still my mum, and she always will be. When I was younger and she was better, we used to have the best of times together, playing the piano and challenging each other to chess battles- I usually lost, she was a fucking champion. And yeah, of course I wish she would get better again, I have days where I wish I had the courage to just call the cops and have her taken to the hospital._

 

_But she’d not only hate me for that, it would also be wrong. She has to make the decision to accept help on her own. I learned that when I went back to the hospital to talk to the same doctor who gave her his card. I have his card with me, and one day, when I feel Maman is ready, I’ll try to convince her to go see him. But for now, all I can do is call and text as often as possible to try and be there for her. You see, I moved out shortly after Papa: I came home one night to Maman breaking glasses in the kitchen, and when I told her to stop, she threw one at me and called me “Satan.” So I ran and stayed with Yann for a few days, and eventually, when Manon left for London, she left me her room in her coloc._

 

_I have no idea if telling you all this will make you hate me less. Hell, I’d even understand it if you thought I’m a terrible person for leaving my mum like that. But I needed you to know that I don’t hate her. My relationship with her is fucked up but whatever is going on in Maman’s head doesn’t change the fact that she loves me._

 

_So yeah, I just needed you to know that. I know that the wall you drew in that insta post had something to do with our talk, or at least I think so- otherwise this whole letter would be really fucking embarrassing._

 

_That all being said, I saw you with Lucille last Friday and it really fucking hurt, and not just because I punched a wall afterwards. You must really love your parents for breaking up with me because I insulted my mum. Because I can’t stop thinking about you, and I can’t bear the thought that you’ve all but forgotten me. I can’t say I hope you’re happy with Lucille, because, yeah, I am that jealous. I’d be very grateful if you would just … let me know if I’m at all right about you being upset because of what I said about Maman. Because otherwise I’ll probably never stop wondering._

 

_If you’ve read this far, thank you for “hearing” me out. You’re really special to me Elliot, and if we can’t be together, I hope we can at least talk again at some point._

 

_Lucas_

 

Elliot is already running down the stairs while reading the last few lines. Tears are streaming down his face and it’s all he can do not to burst into sobs. _This boy, this amazing, sweet, gentle boy._ Elliot doesn’t deserve him, not one bit. But he’s still running to the metro, cursing the universe when he sees that he has to wait for four minutes.

 

Wiping the tears off his cheeks, Elliot then digs his phone out of his pocket with shaking fingers, looking for Lucas’ contact.

 

**_Lucas_ **

_Are you home?_

 

Blinking new tears away, Elliot stares at the screen, waiting for Lucas to reply. His heart jumps when he sees the dots appearing in the chat box what feels like an hour later.

 

_Yeah, why?_

 

Elliot almost laughs with relief while typing a reply.

 

_I’ll be there in 15._

 

This time, Lucas replies within seconds.

 

_Ok. Are you alright?_

 

Elliot lets out a choked sob at that. Of course Lucas is only worried about Elliot, although Elliot is the one who hurt Lucas by walking out on him like the freaking coward he is. He should have just told Lucas everything from the beginning.

 

Finally, the metro arrives and Elliot all but jumps inside, too much on edge to even consider sitting down. He tries and fails to come up with a response to Lucas and finally decides to just leave it. Somehow, he’ll have to try and explain everything in person.

 

The ride seems to take forever, but then he finally gets to the stop near Lucas’ coloc. Elliot runs up the stairs taking four steps at a time and runs all the way to the house, only allowing himself a few seconds to catch his breath before ringing the doorbell.

 

He hears the buzzer only a moment later and runs up the stairs to the second floor, a little slower this time because his knees are shaking by now. And when he reaches the second floor landing, Elliot almost slides to the floor.

 

Lucas is standing in the doorway, eyes wide open in shock. He’s wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants, and to be frank, he looks like shit. But that’s all Elliot’s fault, and he tries to think of something to say, to apologise for his idiotic behaviour while slowly approaching Lucas.

 

However, Lucas doesn’t wait for Elliot to get his shit together. While Elliot is just standing there, wringing his hands, Lucas reaches up to cup Elliot’s cheek with one hand. Elliot closes his eyes for a moment, leaning into the touch, but then he has to look at Lucas again. Lucas’ eyes are full of worry and a trace of hope- or maybe that’s just Elliot’s wishful thinking.

 

“Are you crying?” Lucas asks, his voice all but a whisper. Elliot swallows hard and gingerly puts his hand on Lucas’ waist, almost worried Lucas will pull away. He doesn’t though, so Elliot clears his throat and blinks twice to get rid of any remaining tears in his eyes.

 

“No. Not anymore,” he breathes back, hesitantly moving his hand onto Lucas’ back. He’s dying to pull him close, but he doesn’t want to assume anything. He just watches Lucas’ beautiful face, waiting for him to say something.

 

But Lucas doesn’t speak.

 

Instead, he suddenly surges forward, crashing their lips together almost like he did ten days ago in the rain. And just like that night, Elliot responds immediately, wrapping an arm around Lucas’ waist while his other hand finds Lucas’ hair. He missed that beautiful hedgehog mess of hair so much, almost as much as he missed feeling Lucas’ lips move against his own.

 

Lucas is still holding Elliot’s face in his palms, kissing him hungrily. Elliot kisses back just as eagerly, and GOSH, he all but forgets that he came here to talk to Lucas. All he cares about now is that this wonderful boy who wrote him the most beautiful letter he’s ever gotten is back in his arms and he doesn’t want to let him go, not ever again.

 

Somehow, Elliot notices that Lucas is standing on his tiptoes, which tempts him to try and lift Lucas, but he’s afraid his shaky knees will buckle entirely if he does. Yet, as if he were reading Elliot’s mind, Lucas suddenly breaks the kiss and leans their foreheads together, that beautiful smile Elliot loves so much playing on his lips.

 

“Come inside,” he says then and slips his hand into Elliot’s, gently squeezing Elliot’s fingers. Elliot nods, letting out a long breath, and then follows Lucas into the apartment. He’s about to ask if Lucas’ roommates are home, when he spots them standing in the doorway to the living room. All three of them are apparently holding their breaths and look like deer caught in the headlights.

 

“Uh, yeah, we have to … go clean the kitchen,” Manon starts, but Lucas just chuckles and points to Elliot.

 

“Guys, you remember Elliot? Manon, is it okay if I take the room tonight?” His voice is steady, confident even, and Elliot falls more in love with him than he already is at the sound of it. He’s not sure what caused it, but somehow, Lucas doesn’t seem to want to hide that he’s into guys anymore, and Elliot lives for it.

 

“S-s-sure,” Manon stammers and then clears her throat. “Good to see you again, Elliot.” She smiles warmly at Elliot, who grins back at her and the other two, who are standing behind Manon like frightened children. Elliot is pretty sure the guy’s name is Mika, but he doesn’t remember seeing the girl before. But before he can ask, Lucas lets go of his hand to briefly hug Manon.

 

“Thanks,” he calls over his shoulder and then gestures for Elliot to take off his jacket. As soon as the jacket is hanging on a coat rack, Lucas’ hand closes around Elliot’s wrist, and he pulls him with him down the hall.

 

Lucas doesn’t waste any time,  pushing Elliot backwards until he plops down onto the mattress, and then Lucas is suddenly straddling Elliot’s thighs, making him gasp with surprise.

 

“Fuck, I missed you,” is all Elliot gets out before Lucas claims his lips again, even more passionately than before. Elliot’s eyes flutter shut and he envelops Lucas in his arms, tipping him sideways until he’s lying on the mattress. Lucas hums contently against Elliot’s lips, cupping Elliot’s neck with both hands and kissing him hard and gently at the same time. Elliot frames Lucas’ head with his arms and leaves a trail of kisses along Lucas’ jaw before claiming his lips again.

 

“I missed you too,” Lucas pants inbetween kisses, sending shivers down Elliot’s spine. He can’t believe he’s really here, back in Lucas’ bed, being kissed into oblivion by the strongest yet most gentle person he’s ever met.

 

Eventually, they break apart and lie down facing each other, so close that their noses are touching. Suddenly, Elliot remembers that he’s still wearing shoes and he kicks them off without looking where they fall: He can’t take his eyes off Lucas’ not even for a second.

 

“I read your letter,” he finally whispers, and Lucas smiles gently before kissing the tip of Elliot’s nose.

 

“I figured. Was I right?”

 

And boy, if that isn’t a loaded question. But while Elliot hasn’t changed his mind about telling Lucas everything, he doesn’t want to ruin the moment, not right now.

 

“Yes and no,” he murmurs, knotting his fingers into Lucas’ hair and taking a deep breath. “Can I tell you tomorrow?”

 

Lucas just nods and leans in to kiss Elliot again. “Sure. Let’s just sleep.” To Elliot’s relief, Lucas doesn’t sound disappointed, if anything, he sounds relieved. So Elliot moves to take off his jeans, hoodie and socks, joining Lucas under the covers in boxers and his T-shirt. It feels like coming home in a way. Lucas turns off the light and then they’re huddled together under the blanket, nose to nose, each a hand in the other’s hair.

 

Elliot has no idea how long they just lie there, exchanging lazy kisses and caressing each other’s arms and faces. He only knows that whatever the cost, he doesn’t want to lose Lucas again. But, if the way Lucas is holding on to him is anything to go by, Lucas isn't too keen on losing Elliot either.

And with that comforting thought, Elliot finally falls asleep.


End file.
